Anyone can throw a party. Sure, why not. Get a group of people together, a bag of chips and a bowl of dip and you’ve got yourself a party. But not just anyone can throw a fabulous party. At least not the same way I can throw parties. As I’ve mentioned before, I have many talents and attributes other than just being a pretty face. I sing, I dance, I cook (obviously) and I’m also the ultimate party planner. I can’t help it. I have an inherent ability to throw the type of party that people talk about for days and sometimes months afterward. And that’s without having to include silly things like circus animals or Chippendale dancers (well, for the most part… mi mama’s bachelorette party shall not be included in that statement… what can I say, she likes monkeys who can juggle).
So it was only natural that when mi mama and papa decided to have a Super Bowl party, they turned to me for help in planning the big fiesta. And by help, I mean completely take over and make it a Teeny party. Need some tips on making your own Super Bowl party a more Teeny-type of affair? Well here they are:
1) Make out your guest list very carefully. Now is not the time to invite people you don’t know very well or haven’t been around very much. Football tends to make people very emotional and it’s always a bit awkward when someone you may be trying to impress sees you crying like a baby at the end of the night because your favorite team either won or lost. First impressions are lasting, and you don’t want to forever be known as the Nancy Boy.
2) Do not serve anything that tends to have a laxative effect. This includes foods such as beans, legumes, coffee, dried fruits, and Prune juice cocktails. Unless you plan on renting a Port-a-potty for the day, you don’t want to risk the potential of ruining your bathroom plumbing. Nothing screams party foul more than your guests slipping and sliding on floor covered in hazardous “waste.”
3) While colorful cocktails and fruit punches seem like a fun idea, unless you want to later dye your carpet a lovely shade of merlot, do not serve drinks or liquids any darker than water. Trust me on this one. Mi mama once threw a Cinco de Mayo party and later had to dye her carpet the same hue as Sangria.
4) If you can help it, try to avoid inviting people with small children. This is more of a personal preference, really. Children often times have the urge to pick me up and carry me around like a baby doll and tend to fight over who gets to hold me next. I’m fragile, I have eyeballs that can easily be popped out and I will try to bite you if you squeeze me too hard.
5) Request others to bring a dessert or appetizer with them to the party. This allows you to narrow your friends down to those who know how to cook and those who rely on their local grocery store to provide a dish to bring along at the last minute. These are the friends whose parties you know never to attend in the future because they will more than likely consist of pigs in a blanket and boxed wine.
6) Have everyone remove their shoes upon their arrival in your house. This not only keeps your home clean from dirt and grime brought in from outside, but also makes for a fun game of whose shoes did Teeny leave a little surprise in. This game does not work well in warmer climates, though, as flip flops are harder to hide the surprise in. Look for boots or pointy-toed heels.
7) If people are acting a little shy, come up with a fun half-time game everyone can play in order to get to know each other better, although I strongly advise against the “What did I eat last night based on what my butt smells like” game. It works well for my fellow canines; probably wouldn’t work well at your get-together.
And lastly, if the party starts to get boring and you want everyone to leave before the game has come to an end, pretend as though you’ve just gotten a call from the police and they’ve detected a gas leak coming from your house. If your guests are acting slow in leaving the house, start lighting up all your candles and fireplaces and anything else flammable. If they still don’t leave, let them stay but vow to get some new friends because these folks are obviously idiots.
Well that’s all I’ve got for today amigos. I promise I’ll be back tomorrow with a yummy recipe. But in the meantime, the weather is beautiful and I think I’m going to go for a little bike ride.